I’ve got to get to it. The type of “serious” where sleepless nights and early mornings, where weekends fade and chores are undone because I haven’t left the studio. Not a matter of getting “more proficient” or skilled at color rendering, but a matter of keeping at it, giving the ‘craft’ the time it is due.
Work at it, seriously, as if it is the passionate part of my life…talking to myself as I write; telling ‘me’ to get serious about art and at the same time, more relaxed. I’ve been a ‘worry-wart’ all my life. All my life, always considering the “what-ifs” that would stop me in my tracks…and yet, at the same time, I’ve trudged along…I’ve been at the bottom ‘many times.’ And in spite of putting down brush and pencil for well over 20 years, I’m back at it. If I wake tomorrow, I will be at it again…but I want to push me to spend more time with this process.
I can tell you it feels like a ‘reset’ is necessary…all too often we don’t think about the brick wall until we have come to face. The path of Life is most often a maze where we only ‘think’ we know the end goal. All too often, we have made short wins - “let me get this one thing and I’ll be ____!” The path to ‘it’ seems clear, sometimes steps away and yet, even as we approach it, a barrier or what seems like a small distraction or minor occurrence finds us either off the path or completely blocked. We feel the tug of loss, the sense that satisfaction, a sense of exploration is limited.
Those oddities, those strange objet d’art that aren’t art…but they become ‘art’ cause we put it together, pose it and make it so. I was introduced to the idea of a still life as art in grade school, one of my teachers arranged items with different shapes, sat them on a table in front of us as a challenge to draw the shapes. Even then, the ‘idea’ felt BIG, soul sized - aka the right fit.
Still life, nothing more than the way you would arrange flowers in a vase or a ‘centerpiece’ on a table. Just objects put together that somehow ‘come together’ and look beautiful. Yet simple shapes, arranged and imbued with a spice we can’t quite name. These shapes, the combinations call for attention. Your conscious thought may not find pleasure in the arrangement, but your heart realizes there is something ‘here.’
Emotional Still Life captures the spirit, the essence of a still life; the movement, the textures rough but flowing like choppy waters of a lake.
Emotions are stirred, soothed, cooled, heated and left out to dry…we hate them, can’t be neutral about ‘em…just like a still life.
A thought does not exist in singularity. It does not abide alone. It its one a many, of thousands, of tens of thousands. And as many emotions, expectations as well as past experiences spin in the calculations.
An image of red ball tipped pins comes to mind…imagine them stretching across hundreds of miles…imagine, from a bird's eye view how it would appear as a mesh…those are our thoughts, decisions and choices.
Promises…promises…I spend a lot of time in solitude as a child. I both hated it and loved it. Have a younger sister, come from a two parent home and had TONS of cousins near and far. Still, I found the 'inner space' more agreeable. Not antisocial - not completely - but we can be so demanding in our allegiances and requirements for 'getting along.' It always seemed to me, someone else got to talk, to 'command respect,' though it never seemed warranted.
As a 'office worker,' I get plenty of alone time. I work in a team environment, but every member "plays his part." And for the most part, we work separately. Blessing and curse, nonetheless. Given the opportunity, I could dialog with a brick wall (at least that's what my mother said of me on rare occasion). I like to listen, to hear someone's life story, their highs and lows. I like to compare "life notes," to find common ground and explore diverging paths. But I'm finding work environments are less conducive to conversation; seems people and corporations prefer to remain in their private bubble. So I sit quietly, thinking, planning… It is interesting that my preferred work and the way I work is alone. I sit in front of a canvas and a thousand decisions, inputs and ways to resolve 'a problem' come to mind. Sit, pen in hand or writing electronically, and a million words, thoughts and ideas come to mind.I've been told that ALL OF THIS leads to something; that my life will not have been lived in vain…sometimes, I really wonder…What about you? I would be interested to hear how you feel the 'pattern' of your life has unfolded. Comment below.